Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay, Rodney/Jennifer established
Spoilers: Trio, The Last Man implications
Word count: 1185
Summary: She was his girlfriend and he should be honest with her. "I kissed Sheppard on the mission today."
Note: Thanks to neevebrody for the beta! (I've messed with it afterwards though.)
"Hey, how was the mission?" Jennifer came to Rodney and hooked her fingers into his belt loop.
He smiled at her, hoping it didn't seem as forced as it felt. "I don't need a doctor."
"Are you sure about that?" she asked, pulling him closer.
God, how easy would it be not to say anything and to just let her drag him to the bed? But he couldn't, not this time.
He placed his hands on hers and gently pushed them away. "Actually, there's something I should tell you. I think." Yes, he thought he should tell her. He wasn't sure. In fact, he still didn't understand exactly what had happened and why.
"O-kay," she said. Her smile gave way to concern. "The others are fine?"
"Yes, yes." Physically they were all fine. Other things remained to be seen. Either way, he felt it would be the right thing to tell her. She was his girlfriend and he should be honest with her. "I kissed Sheppard on the mission today."
Her eyebrows rose and her mouth quirked in what almost looked like amusement.
"It was a ritual. Sheppard volunteered and I thought, better this than having to eat something disgusting or wear some stupid grass skirt. And since we tend to leave the proving your inhuman strength to Ronon, I figured I could volunteer for this."
"When did you ever have to wear grass skirts?" Now she was definitely amused.
"The point is," he said, not taking the bait, "I kissed Sheppard." There he'd said it, he'd done his duty as a boyfriend.
"Well... how was it?" she asked, eyes sparking.
Rodney groaned inwardly. Jennifer was amazing. Funny and hot and not easily offended. Anyone else would be jealous, but she didn't feel threatened by this at all. He shouldn't do anything to risk what he had with her.
"It was good," he said, which was sort of true.
They hadn't had to kiss in a specific way, so Rodney had assumed it would be a quick peck. It had been. Right up until John had opened his mouth. Rodney had been pulling back at that point. He didn't know why he'd gone back, why he'd fitted his mouth onto John's. He told himself that it was his implicit trust in John when they were off-world—and not just there really. Only, implicit trust and following John's lead by instinct didn't explain what he'd felt.
"It was amazing," he said quietly, not looking at Jennifer, but unable not to say it.
He played the kiss over in his head. The careful movement as they figured out the best angle. The pressure as they gave into the urgency. John's hands had found their way around his body and Rodney had run his hands up John's arms, his shoulders, his neck until he was holding his face and the kiss became both more gentle and more sensual.
John's tongue had traced Rodney's lower lip hesitantly, but then Rodney had opened his mouth, inviting more of him in. His tongue against John's had been electric.
"It was... possibly the best kiss of my life." That was a lie, because there was no 'possibly' about it. He dared to look at Jennifer, who wasn't smiling any longer.
He didn't know why he was doing this to her or to himself. But that kiss had been earth-shattering, life-changing. John had pulled his body close, thrusting against him. He'd been hard and Rodney had gasped, because he'd wanted that. He'd moved one hand down to John's ass and John had groaned into his mouth and Rodney's own dick had stirred, because having John against him and inside him and not holding back at all was the hottest thing that had ever happened to him.
"I got hard," he said apologetically.
"I don't suppose you're telling me this because you want a little re-enactment." She smiled, but it was forced and she sounded vulnerable. He hated that, because she was only like that when she was afraid.
"I had to tell you," he said, but he wasn't sure it was the truth. He knew that telling her was the right thing, but he could have stopped at just telling her about the kiss. Only he hadn't and it had brought them to this point.
"It was just a ritual?" He suspected it wasn't intended as a question, but it couldn't be mistaken as anything else. He could say yes. He should say yes, if he wanted to have any chance at all to fix this. Which really was the question.
If he wanted to be with Jennifer, why had he gone into such detail in telling her, to the point that it made her wonder what he was really trying to say. She was giving him an out. She was asking him to say one word and they'd forget about it and go on.
The only problem was, he didn't think he would be able to forget about it. He'd meant nothing more than to give John a quick peck on the lips because the natives had asked them to do it. But what they'd ended up doing had nothing at all to do with the ritual.
"We didn't stop until they asked us to," Rodney admitted.
Jennifer watched him for a long moment. "If you want to break up, then just say so, Rodney," she said in the voice that she used in emergencies when she needed her orders followed without hesitation or complaint.
"No," he immediately said. But then he wondered if not that, what did he want? She'd given him every chance to say that he didn't want the kiss—that unplanned and insane and unreal kiss—to mean anything to their relationship. And he'd ignored every single one of them. "I don't know," he said truthfully.
She stepped closer to him, scrutinizing his face as if she could read what he wanted when he himself didn't know.
"I do," she eventually said.
He waited for her to explain, heart beating in his chest. He remembered how John had initiated the kiss, taking that step and opening himself up for Rodney to see this new side of him, of them. Rodney had had so many questions. Why? Why now? What does this mean? But John hadn't been able to look at him once they'd stopped and for the remainder of the mission. And Rodney had no idea what to expect of him. Would they pretend it hadn't happened and try to forget it as Jennifer had invited him to do? He didn't know. But at least for her part, Jennifer had an answer.
"I wish you all the best, Rodney." She cupped his face and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek.
Rodney wanted to turn his face and really kiss her, but in that moment he realized that it was too late for that. He still didn't have the answer to all his questions, but he knew one thing.
In his own way, he'd made his choice and his choice had been for another's kiss.
There's a sequel: After That Kiss.